Gratitude

I wonder if, like me, as child you were required by your parents to write ‘thank you letters’ after receiving Christmas or birthday gifts.  I can’t say I relished doing it. After the initial sentence “Dear Auntie…… Thank you for the lovely….. you gave me for Christmas..”there was always a pause - what to put next.  This often amounted to a list of other items I had received and a wish that the auntie would have a Happy New Year.   I’m not sure to what extent this practice now exists. A face-to face thank you or phone call might often be considered sufficient. In fact letter writing has sadly become a thing of the past. I am guilty of preferring to write a quick email rather than get out pen and paper, but I do have one long standing friend who delights in producing a letter of beauty. Receiving one is a real joy.

But what is at the heart of the exercise is taking the time to be grateful and sharing that gratitude. It is about not taking gifts and all good things for granted. And I wonder if this isn’t even more important in our modern world? Some months ago I went to stay with a friend and her young family. She prepared an evening meal for us all and before we started to eat she asked if I would like to say grace. On the table was a wooden cube with a different grace written on each face. We rolled the cube and I read out one of the prayers. It was a beautiful shared moment as we all reflected on how blessed we were to be able to share good food together.  It made me think that perhaps for most families now, the norm is to simply sit and eat and quite often to fuss around the children providing alternatives if they don’t happen to like what is on offer. Even the habit of eating together has fallen away as we all ‘fuel’ ourselves at a moment which is convenient whether that is on coming home from school or from work.  Speed and convenience are lord.

There is nothing wrong in this but I suspect we are missing something. In our quest for more we so often overlook what we have and what we receive each day.  It can be so easy to focus on what is wrong, what is missing, what we don’t like, what needs to change. Yet if we were to lose any of the things which we take for granted we would be devastated. Imagine losing your sight or your hearing. With Covid many people lost their ability to taste and food became less enjoyable. Imagine losing the people in your life who you love most, losing your memory or losing your health. A day will come when you will lose your life. You don’t want to have missed it while you had it!  And I suspect that living life well is not so much about doing more but really being able to savour whatever it is you are doing.

The regular practice of gratitude enriches life and keeps our attention  on the abundance and gifts which surround us. It has been said that true happiness lies not in what’s happening but in how we are relating to what is happening.There has also been considerable research carried out on the practice of gratitude. In one study adult college students who were seeking counselling for anxiety and depression were participants.  They were divided into three groups.  All three groups received the counselling. One group in addition was asked to write about their deepest thoughts and feelings about negative experiences. The third group were asked to write one gratitude letter to another person each week.  The outcome was that at four and twelve weeks after the counselling ended those who wrote the gratitude letters reported significantly better mental health. This suggests that gratitude is not just beneficial for people who are well but can also help when mental health is less good.  It has been suggested that writing the gratitude letters helps shift the person away from toxic emotions such as resentment and envy.

To adopt any simple practice of gratitude improves quality of life. It reminds us of the sacredness of life. That gratitude might be in the form of a prayer but it can be as simple as before going to sleep quietly reflecting on all the gifts of the day which has just passed.  Even after  the most challenging day it might be possible to be thankful for the help fo a friend, for the fact that the sun shone, for having a warm bed to sleep in and a roof over your head.  Allowing that practice to weave its way into your day by noticing what is good, pausing and inwardly being grateful keeps you in a happier space.

I finish with a beautiful poem by John O’Donohue entitled “A Blessing for Beauty”. In many ways it is a reflection on all that we have to be grateful for in this miraculous and sacred existence.

A Blessing for Beauty

May the beauty of your life become more visible to you, that you may glimpse your wild divinity.

May the wonders of the earth call you forth from all your small, secret prisons and set your feet free in the pastures of possibilities.

May the light of dawn anoint your eyes that you may behold what a miracle a day is.

May the liturgy of twilight shelter all your fears and darkness within the circle of ease.

May the angel of memory surprise you in bleak times with new gifts from the harvest of your vanished days.

May you allow no dark hand to quench the candle of hope in your heart.

May you discover a new generosity towards yourself, and encourage yourself to engage your life as a great adventure.

May the outside voices of fear and despair find no echo in you.

May you always trust the urgency and wisdom of your own spirit.

May the shelter and nourishment of all the good you have done, the love you have shown, the suffering you have carried, awaken around you to bless your life a thousand times.

And when love finds the path to your door may you open like the earth to the dawn, and trust your every hidden colour towards its nourishment of light.

May you find enough stillness and silence to savour the kiss of God on your soul and delight in the eternity that shaped you, that holds you and calls you.

And may you know that despite confusion, anxiety and emptiness, your name is written in Heaven.

And may you come to see your life as a quiet sacrament of service, which awakens around you a rhythm where doubt gives way to the grace of wonder, where what is awkward and strained can find elegance, and where crippled hope can find wings, and torment enter at last unto the grace of serenity.

May Divine Beauty bless you.

John O’Donohue, from Beauty – The Invisible Embrace